Still believe Me...?

I once received the best news...I hadn't lost my left ear afterall

Sunday, June 22, 2008

.................................................Fuck Buddy...........................says a lot I think, however, after doing a little research on the topic i have come up with this explanation...
having someone ready and waiting to have casual sex with.

unfortunately it appears that being friends with this person is not the definition of a fuck buddy, all in all a fuck buddy is just someone who you have regular one night stands with and there are no strings attached and there is no emotion or intimacy or anything of the sort.
so the question remains...what are myself and Daniel?
problem a. we are actually friends so immediately have many attached strings, however our friendship i think is struggling under the weight of the impossible task of trying to keep the 'fucking' as just that - casual sex (or at least that is my opinion).]
problem b. sex on call, this is not exactly sex on call. i cannot phone him and get him to meet me like a seedy call girl, trashy protagonist would, instead i have to wait around trying to suss out the situation - is it the right time to possibly take the conversation to a flirtatious level? do i pretend to act standoffish and see what he does? do i play along with his sexual inuendos game?
there are so many considerations to think about.

there is now the small problem of next i presume that i will end up in the same bed as him? i believe this sounds a bit too desperate (hopeful). i could always stay at Sarah's but after this weekends escapades i dont really want to promise her my staying and then stay with Daniel anyway...
there is of course the possibility of just going home but then i would be punishing myself...its not like i dont want the sex, its just that i dont know how to go about getting it....

i also have to think about what this is doing to me...mentally all is fine at the present moment. however there is always the problem with fuck buddies that you may end up liking them a bit too much and unlucky enough for me i already probably liked dan a bit too much before this whole thing even started....

so what do we call it? he is not my fuck buddy...would this make him a friend with benefits? is it ruining my friendship with him? how much of a ral friendship did i actually have there to begin with? will i always feel the sexual tension (or what i perceive to be sexual tension)?
is this finally a little too much for me to starting to think i have pushed this as far as it can go and we are slowly running dry....

but who knows....anything could happen in the next seven weeks...


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