Still believe Me...?

I once received the best news...I hadn't lost my left ear afterall

Monday, August 04, 2008

1 week left to go.

had a brill weekend, friday night at Lynne's, saturday spent at Vicky's, which was good - 10 people in one tent!!!
No sexytime to be had - currently having problems. problem A. Dan gets drunk and is annoying. B. He says things which i don't think i want to hear C. i was too tired for sexytime on both occasions, no matter what other people seem to think.

i have a lot on my mind regarding him (again)
he keeps apologising for everything he has ever done to upset me i.e breaking up with me, he keeps asking me not to go and saying sorry that he never told me he loved me. he now believes that i will never care about him with the same degree that he cares about me because there is a part of me that believes he will hurt me again (which i suppose is true)
but why tell me all this now? and he keeps getting upset - i really dont like seeing guys crying - this is so difficult. and i know that he says this when he drunk, but it has happened several times and one of these times, he had only drunk as much as me. i don't know what to believe, being drunk may mean that you become more honest but it also means that you may forget what you said
eughph, i know i keep saying it but it has gone on for far too long. going to america will help. i will find someone else and so will he. christmas will come and ill come home and we will just be friends again. someone stated at the weekend (probably james) that i could do far better than him, and the weird thing is i completely agree with that, but for the next week im perfectly happy not doing any better than him. ive known for a long time that returning to this frame of mind will not be good for my soul when i leave but that is my own fault.
part of me is dreading next monday, i really don't know how to say goodbye, but it was always going to come so we live with it and move onwards and upwards - this is where it all begins.

hopefully when i get there, my posts will stop being so much about one thing and will start describing all the wonderful things that i discover on my journey into the unknown...
i am still excited and can't wait to see what it is like...i always knew the leaving part would be the worst section of this expedition!!!



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