i have decided that 9 weeks is far too long to be away from home. I dont want to be here. this seems to be the general outlook of many of these posts recently. how im going to come back after xmas is beyond me. i came out here for the experience but so far my experience has not been a great deal of fun. I have fun when we go places, out of BR, i have fun when im drunk but these are rare occurances. i want them to happen more often, i need to go places and do things but i can't because i cant afford it and i have no access to a car. i feel stuck in a hole that i cant get out of. and i am stuck, i am stuck here for the year and as much as i go on about it, it is not going to change. this just makes me think that i am being ridiculous, how can i be so upset about something for so long when i know that being upset is not going to get me anywhere....only wanting to go home even more. and i dont want to share a room anymore...so much so that i want to hurt her, i want to break her things and obliterate everything to do with her because she is awful and should not be allowed to exist.
why is life so messed up, how could i ever have thought this whole thing would be a good idea...anything is yet to happen...it seems nothing ever will. i cant even force myself to go 0ut and get wasted cos i no i have an exam tomoro and i should probably try and be awake for it....roll on saturday when i can get wasted and not give a toss about anything here or anything anywhere...i really hope i dont actually have some form of depression, after thinking all that outloud i am starting to worry myself!
x