i fear i have become too complacent. Im starting to believe that this is where I am and I no longer mind that i am here. i have got used to being so far away. the only problem now is that i am going home in five weeks and as soon as i get home i will be afraid of coming back.
it is a positive thing that everything here is going fine and that home doesn't really feel like home at the moment, even missing people is no longer as extreme...i have gotten used to them just not being in the same place as me and having their own lives, and me having mine.

i am still looking forward to christmas but it concerns me that i have finally gotten over being away from home and now home feels so different to what it was when i left and i dont know what it is going to be like when i get back. i dont know what im meant to think anymore. i feel rude if i dont miss people but then feel clingy when i do. but then i guess this is why im here. to teach myself to not rely on other people, to become 'an independent human being', and not have to worry about things or care that maybe im not always where i want to be. im away from home....so what...im only here once and maybe ive suddenly decided that, at least until xmas, im going to make the most of it. 5 weeks is nothing compared to a lifetime and by this time next year, ill only have half a year of freedom left before my lifetime restarts at home!
i believe this is what some people call an epiphany!!!