this is my 100th post!!
i was sat thinking about christmas and going home next weekend. im really excited about going home for three weeks and seeing everyone but it will only be a matter of time before im back here doing my exams and everything. and then come august il be off the america-LSU. am terrified but then it is an opportunity of a lifetime and i wouldnt miss it for the world but i am scared and everyday that goes by is one more day gone before i leave the country. scary scary thoughts. anyway, going home for xmas comes first. currently concerned about this-still unsure about my home going but i should just go with the flow and get over it. why is this presenting itself as being so difficult?maybe i get over next weekend and then life will all be fine again. i am currently feeling like im harbouring secrets. i dnt no how to express the way i feel about nething. its just so difficult-eugh.
love is a wonderful thing
talking of love-that is the true xmas message. love your friends and your family etc etc and remember those who can't do that. there is so much crap in the world that when i think of how much i make my heart and my head hurt with my own problems it makes me seem very shallow. im not shallow just concerned about my own happiness which i guess im entitled to-but who knows. i dont know. and i do think about these other people who live in third world/war torn countries but what can i physically do about that. i guess there are also those people in my own country who suffer all sorts of crap but i also cant do much about that on my own. maybe xmas day should be cancelled maybe the rich countries of the western world should spend their day helping others-a xmas day present for those who have nothing to celebrate.
but that wont happen in the selfish world we live in-people have to realise that 'an eye for an eye will make us all blind' (muhatma ghandi), i think that says it all.
well i intend to have an amazing xmas and party for all those who cant but also not forget that my happiness is only there at the expense of others-superficial happiness counts for the fact that i am shallow and superficial in myself-and the world goes round.
i need to think about buying my materialistic presents and practice my artificial smiles and thank yous and then get drunk. maybe that is why people get drunk at xmas-makes them feel better about themselves and lets them forget about the awful world that surrounds them. everyone does it and everyone has crap in their life. unfortunately the crap they think of revolves around themselves. maybe the bigger picture would make us all wasted or passed out. maybe drunkenness is all we want-a bit of xmas cheer.
maybe im asking for people to be wasted.
so lets get festive, lets listen to our xmas songs and lets love those who are close to us and maybe just forget those who are far away for one more year-but make those foolish promises at new year to help someone, to make the world a better place. no one is truely altruistic-lets not pretend we are.
maybe santa is too busy and can only visit those people in the western world who live in nice houses. but who is more sinful and 'bad', who doesnt deserve the presents-these first world families who a small child in the midst of war crying for a family?
so lets not get down at xmas...including myself....cos life here is a million times better than a life anywhere else.

unfortunately this was written for my own good proving my point about altruism and making a person feel better...i am now going to drink

not only guns brake hearts
xx