well, went to dan's and nothing happened. once again I am suprised however I think from now on i wont be going out expecting it which is probs an improvement however i do still want it. must however realise that if i did keep getting it then it would be very bad in the long term i.e. when he got a girlfriend, so being friends is the best thing. I actually enjoy his company/being with him having a laugh e.g. playing scene it and poker!! this is a good thing. he also told me that he liked being in bed with me the other day, just lying next to me for the company which is good to know as to be honest I think I felt the same. although i did cry on the way home, maybe because somewhere deep down I realise that maybe it actually is all over and maybe I still really don't want it to be but what can I do. I put on this front when im with him of acting like i don't care and keep saying that it can't happen and that it is ridiculous when all i want him to do is kiss me....which yes, is stupid and yes, i do need to stop thinking this and god i wish he felt the same and eughph im really starting to regress here...must stop talking... anyway now that is all out of my head...
i really have to go and pack as am getting the train back to the North tomoz. i also have to do mass revising tomoro eve and on the train and thurs morn-gay and gay but heyho tis not all bad!! i have actually been doing a bit here and there these last few days!!
rite well, off to do something constructive!!!
xxx