it has been a tough weekend. I waiting and waiting for thursday to arrive when i can go home and finally find out what is going on and whether i will still be with boyfriend at this time next week...which i really hope i will be. im finding it hard to sleep at the moment, and i think the two are related, that and not being able to concentrate for long periods of time...i think im going a little bit crazy. this whole thing just keeps reminding me about how it all happened last time and i hate the fact that i may be going through all that again. i cant do that again. i hate it all so much and the days just seem to be going slower and slower, which makes it harder and harder and i dont really know what to do with myself. i dont know how much i am allowed to text i feel as though im treading on eggshells and i just want to know. I want to know where i stand because im so confused right now. this is the only thing that is on my mind, which i know is selfish because of all the things he is going through, which is why i try and keep all the worrying to myself, hopefully this is not picked up on and he believes me to be acting normal...or as normal as possible.
i think i miss the phone calls more than i expected. i miss everything, i miss everything about what could be a normal relationship...it has never been normal, it has always been hard, emotional, draining but i love him more than anything in the world and that isn't going to change for me, even though it may for him.
all i can do is go with the flow, unfortunately i think it is flowing in a direction that i really dont want it to go.

xx