monday monday monday....and it is cold. we have had the heating pretty much off for the past week and it has most certainly been cold. It snowed again on Saturday, but today I finally spoke out and made Megan allow me to change the heating...everyone else is obviously too afraid of making an enemy/causing a fuss etc etc but at least we can now be warm again!

i had a revelation the other day. I was sat in a lecture, I believe it was about American foreign policy and their security systems, and it struck me that in real life I will probably never need to know this. Before now I have always believed in education for the fun of taking part in education but it has got to the stage where I am struggling to see the point. I very much feel like I need to get out of here and do something else with my life. I have come to the end of the education road and it is now time to move on...suddenly the 'grown up' world feels more appealing. I don't believe I have thought such things before, or at least not so strongly.
I think due to recent conversations and events, that still play on my mind, I have been more tied to the idea of reliance on familiarity rather than stepping into the unknown. However, the more I contemplate the idea of a life of my own, the more I want to start it now. The only problem I have is that I'm desparate for life to take the path I want it to, and I often imagine that somewhere along the line my dreams of 'the future' do not turn out how I hope them to. I sometimes wish I could walk the path my life will take and discover where it ends, but this would be impossible. Instead I must try and rid myself of concern, appreciate mystery and wait for life to start.
And there ended the revelation.

xxx

it is now nearing mid-february, and i am going home tomorrow for the first time in quite a few weeks :) have everything packed, as far as im aware and have been trying to work out buses to catch to and from uni with all my stuff...hhhmmm i have actually never caught a bus into town from uni before so will have to try and guess which one to get, maybe should write down a few bus times!
ive done quite a lot of work today, about 800 words of my dissertation and some reading which goes to show that i actually can do quite a lot of work in a day if i actually set my mind to it!

im very much looking forward to this weekend, after spending last weekend with dan in nottingham i have missed him everyday since monday and the whole weekend was amazing - am feeling very close to him right now, which is surely a good thing. this may be because real life is getting closer..im nearing being at home permenantly, feeling more relaxed in each others company knowing that saying goodbye all the time will be a thing of the past. i think im pondering.
well i should probs attempt to sleep now, have a very very busy day tomorrow, including 3 hours on a train...give me strength. this is always the stressful part about going home....!